I heard yesterday on the radio that when a child is being abused by the parent, they lose that parent and being your partner. I wanted so much a Dad, but each time i heard from Dad the other part came to, the man who abused me.
I wish that there was a way to break that apart. I really wanted my Dad, but I lost that the day the abuse started. Even after his funeral I could not stand to be around him at all and I glad that i did not seen him.
Even with all the clothes that wre sent to me I can not distinguish him from that man who abused me for years. I have tried but i can not separate them. I do not want anything of his or any reminders of that man. I have grieved already for the loss of my Dad. That man who has died he was not my Dad. So why did i go to the funeral,because deep down that man was my Dad but had another side to him.
I have tried and tried to forgive him, but having things from him, not a good idea at all, that pain hasnt gone away. Forgiveness is essential part because as christiaon Jewish lady I do not want a bitter heart but forgetting is not going to happen