We always want something called unconditional love from our parents. And not all of us have that. Sometimes our parents give us anyway for a better life and we still miss our biology parents. Some parent uncle or brothers in our families abise us because they are sick mentally or just want control or power and whatever it is is very wrong and disugsting, but sometimes we can .
My dad had a nice side and i need to heal which i thought i had but since he has died i miss something that was not really there unconditional love not abuse. The good side he spoke to me in English he taught me to cycle to play snooker play football. He knew that i was tom boy. I am a free spirit which dad was.
I look around people sometimes and i wish i could tell them you have nice lovely parents which i never had. Sometimes like walking we take for grunted or that we have 2 arms one on each side where others dont have.
Each time I talked to my father unfortunealty i had nightmares because of what happens so i shut that down because it was too painful. At some point i need to let all of this go and not have anxiety att disorders over it because he is either in heaven or hell not on earth. I need to remember the good times and feel safe to do that and not be afraid any more